Change Our Ways
by catastrophic-art
Summary: He and I both know that nothing more can or ever will come of this. It wasn't meant to be, otherwise, things wouldn't be this way. But they are, and no one can change it. Rated T for minimal suggestive content.


WARNING: Definitely doesn't have a "happy" ending. Sometimes, it's better that way.

Yeah. I'm still awake. And yeah, the depression isn't going away. If I were to write Kakuzu and Hidan in the IC way possible, this would be it. Maybe they weren't meant to love. Maybe they weren't meant to be together, to frolic through sunshine and roses and live happily ever after. Maybe this is how it was supposed to go. But hey, who knows. This is just one person who's trying to vent after a loooong morning. My mood affects everything I write and draw. And since I spent the last hour trying to think of things to draw and came up with nothing, then maybe I'm supposed to write.

Here's the preemptive apology.

Kakuzu and Hidan belong to Masashi Kishimoto

* * *

><p>I have never questioned myself when it comes to Hidan. He is loud, obnoxious, annoying, rude, devout, and the worst pain I have ever come across in my entire life. Never before have I loathed a person's mere existence more than his. Even despite the fact that we appear to be a flawless team in battle, there are times when the cons outweigh the pros and I beat him into the dirt just to vent my rage.<p>

I don't think any amount of scolding nor punishment from Leader could ever change my ways and mannerisms towards him. He has tried, and I will give him credit for it – however, all in vain, seeing that nothing has changed. Or, it has become steadily worse and neither of us notice nor care.

In the late hours of the night, no matter where we are, I make sure I include those hateful words. I make sure that I tell him repeatedly, over and over, how much I hate him and how I can't stand him. He can only grunt in reply, gasps intermixing with the low hisses that pass our lips. Even though the words would seem contradictory to the actions we would currently be performing, I can tell he hears them. Hears them, takes them, embraces them. He and I both know that nothing more can or ever will come of this. It wasn't meant to be, otherwise, things wouldn't be this way. But they are, and no one can change it.

But why should I be constantly trying to enforce something that has already been put into place? Hidan had asked me this only once before I tore his head straight from his shoulders and dragged his body behind me, decapitated head in a brown sack. He has never asked me since, but the question lingers in my thoughts at times. It will usually appear at random, whether it is while I wait for sleep to over take me or as I am mutilating his body, reminding him that I can't stand his presence.

I feel – no, I iknow/i – that Hidan was implying something that should never be implied between us. A subject that should never be touched and one that must remain as it is: nonexistent. He knows I crave power and control. It is all I really need to survive. But that question threw me, and I haven't been able to figure if he truly meant something by the simple question, or if he was fucking with me again like he enjoys doing oh so much. I couldn't possibly ask him again; it shows a weakness and inferiority to him that I cannot risk ever demonstrate. However, I want to know. Although knowing his true intentions could be either most relieving or most unnerving and ruin the barely-stable partnership that we have as is, it could bring the closure that I need so the trivial thought won't interfere with almost anything that I do when he is around.

Nonetheless, the fact of the matter is that I can't ask. I won't ask, and I won't succumb to my innate need to know what I don't already know. I will have to tell myself every day that I don't care. It doesn't matter; it won't affect me, it wouldn't change me, and it without a doubt wouldn't change our relationship (if you can even call it that). I will not bend my own will or change my ways to fit his. That is not how our partnership works. We each have our own paths, our own goals, and our own way of going about them.

They have already met. That doesn't mean that they will intertwine, combine, or become one.

* * *

><p>Please review :) Seriously, they're what keeps me writing (which I obviously haven't been doing a lot of lately...), and hey, who doesn't love a little message from someone who likes what you write?<p> 


End file.
